Tomorrow.

You know how in the movie "Annie", she sings that song about tomorrow? About how she loves it and its only a day away? I don't feel that way about tomorrow at all. I'm trying to avoid it by sleeping. Cassidy won't allow that so instead I'm going out to dinner while she plays with her cousin.

I can't believe its been two whole years since Lance died. I can still remember every single moment about that day. I guess it has gotten easier but it still hurts the same as it did that day.

Tina

Wow, 5 months...

I can't believe its been 5 months since I last posted. I guess I didn't have much to talk about but a lot has went on:

• I started back to school. Actually one more week and the semester is over. I'm pretty proud of myself that I stuck with it. Only a few more years and I'll be done!
• I signed up to volunteer at the hospital in the Children's Center. I feel like I need to give back.
• I have a new nephew. He was born on 10/20 and is sooo cute. His name is Aiden.
• This one I am kind of ashamed to admit but I fell in love with a vampire. His name is Edward and is from the Twilight series. I had no clue when I started reading the book I'd become so mesmerized with a character but I did. It seems the rest of the world did too. I even dragged Lance along to see the movie and I wore a "Team Edward" t-shirt :) Its sad really.
• I went to Boston with Jamie and Drew for a menkes fundraiser. I was able to meet two other menkes families and some of my online friends. We had a blast and can't wait to get back next year.
  

Cassidy is doing well and getting so big. Its amazing how smart they are at such a young age. Right now, she is into anything Princess and is anxiously awaiting "ho ho". We love her to death and are so thankful for her. She really keeps me going.

We miss Lance terribly still. 27 days and it will be 2 years. I can't believe it.

Tina

F@&cking menkes

I just read another child died yesterday. Only 5 years old.
Makes me want to scream.

So worth the wait!!!

That was my thought at the end of the Sex and the City movie! If you are a die hard fan like me, you have to go see it. So worth the money, and the wait in line.

Tina

Remembering

10 years ago today, Lance and I had our first date. Who would have thought that one date would have turned into all of this? Here are two pictures I found of us back then. Notice we were skinny and care-free lol.

It's weird to look at those pictures and not see Lil Lance or Cassidy in my arms.

It's been a long 10 years filled with lots of obstacles but it has been worth it.

Tina

I'm such a heifer.

The year after Lance died, I gained about 25 pounds. It didn't really bother me too much because I am tall and carried it well. But then I started to notice it in my stomach and decided to lose weight. Well, I lost like 5 pounds but didn't tighten up my stomach cause I am lazy. Last night, I tried on a dress I had planned to wear to the menkes gala next weekend. I just wore the dress last summer and it fit fine. Last night, I could not even zipper it. UGH! I took the dress off and showed Lance that the zipper was just stuck and if he tried a little harder, it would go up. This happened a few times before I finally accepted he was right. So I decided I have two options: starve myself or go buy a new dress. I decided to buy a new dress.
But after that, my new goal is to exercise every day and stop eating junk.

I blame all this on grief too. Just one more thing it takes away.

Tina

That's how I spent my Mothers Day, taking pictures with Ray Lewis from the Baltimore Ravens.
My day was"okay". Visiting your child's grave on Mothers Day is just not right.

Saturday, Lance took Cassidy out to give me a break. I expected maybe an hour but he was gone for SIX hours! By hour two, I was lonely and wanting her to come back home. He got me a journal and a huge basket of Bath & Body Works stuff. On Sunday, we took my mom out to dinner which is where we met Ray Lewis.

As another gift, Cassidy slept until 6am. I hope she gives me that gift again. The picture of her above is from yesterday with her cousin Giovanni or G-G as she calls him.

I hope everyone had a good Mothers Day.
Tina